Heaven help us my chemical romance download

Mostly he just remembered it was chaos. Your guys bring people here, right? People who do bad stuff? The Cardinal spread his hands. A particular personality trait of the kind of individual we deal with is immense pride, huge arrogance. It is extremely rare that this many people are working together, and it would seem they have taken a vow of silence on the matter.

The Cardinal looked at them all in turn, silently. Frank fidgeted in his seat when it was his turn — it was like the dude could see right into his brain, seriously. Eventually the Cardinal said, "All right. I have another meeting this afternoon, but I would be very pleased if you would dine with me this evening. Antonio will come to your rooms. For your own safety, you understand.

Then he stopped and turned around, slowly, and looked at Ray. Watching the people around outside made him realize how restless he was feeling. When it became clear that Ray had the Mikey situation under control, Frank said, "He only said we had to stay in Vatican City, right? Not the rooms. He was digging in his bag again. He jerked his chin at Bob. And there were other feelings underneath the remorse, too, like how furious he was at Gerard for doing such a stupid fucking thing, and the painful sympathy he felt for Mikey, and then there was the constant, ragged ache of missing Gerard.

Frank would take confusion over that combo any day of the week. Somehow they found themselves in a kind of covered walkway, away from all the crowds. Bob wandered off to look at the inscriptions in one of the columns, and Frank stayed where he was, leaning against a pillar and watching a guy in a green jumpsuit prune some hedges a few yards away. He looked like kind of a hippie for a Vatican gardener, Frank thought idly. He looked familiar somehow — he reminded Frank of some of the dudes his Dad hung out with, maybe, or it could have been someone who used to come into the shop.

Or maybe he just looked like one of those decrepit dudes Frank would sometimes see at shows, and think he wanted to be exactly like that when he was old. Frank leaned forward a little, squinting in the sunlight. Frank nodded dumbly and Bob urged him forwards a few paces. Bob grabbed for him, and he was strong, but Frank was fast, and he dodged and picked up the pace to a run.

Hey, you! Luke looked up as Frank approached, frowning slightly, and cried out when Frank slammed into him, sending him sprawling down onto the floor. Is this some kind of a game? Give me some fucking answers! Luke shook his head hard, backing away and holding one hand out to ward Frank off. Frank shoved Luke back against the hedges and held him there with one hand, using the other to yank up his sleeves.

He reached up and pushed his hair away from his forehead. The last thing we need is the Swiss Guard on our ass. He was a lot smaller than Frank remembered, actually. And he looked pretty old. Frank glared at him. Frank was so angry he felt like he was going to throw up. Did he hurt you? Probably fed him his rake. Brian nodded. Mikey kind of nodded, and he opened his mouth, but then closed it again and looked down, wringing his hands.

But…but I feel like if he was really dead, that I would know. Like I would really feel it. Bob sat back in his seat, frowning. Frank watched Mikey look around the table, and the way his shoulders turned in when none of them said anything. Mikey turned hopeful eyes on him. You knew what was happening to him had something to do with the shows. You knew to tell Gerard when — you know, at the beginning, when it was me in trouble. He polished them on the hem of his shirt, then put them back on.

Brian kind of rolled his eyes. Ray flushed. They must know every inch of this place. His hand was aching a little from punching Luke — he looked down at it and flexed it. You might not have come back. Mikey just shook his head. Frank said, "Do you really think he's alive?

Mikey didn't say anything, but he looked up so Frank could see his face, and that was all the answer Frank needed. Frank didn't want to wait for dinner, he wanted to go and confront the Cardinal right away, but Brian said no.

Yelling at him isn't going to endear us to him. He wouldn't budge, either, and Frank was climbing the walls by the time Antonio came to collect them again. He jittered all the way to the Cardinal's rooms, and sat there seething while dinner was served and they waited for the Cardinal to make an appearance, and by the time the Cardinal had greeted them and taken his seat he couldn't take it anymore.

The expression on the Cardinal's face was pure surprise, and Frank wasn't prepared for that. He just kept his gaze steady, though, and when the Cardinal asked him to repeat himself he said, "Luke. Old guy, long hair. Gave me stigmata. Any of this ringing a bell? Because I just ran into him clipping your fucking bushes outside and I'd really like to know why he doesn't seem to have any memory of trying to murder me. The Cardinal had gone pale, and he passed a hand over his mouth, sitting back in his chair.

That was a grievous error on our part. I apologize. Frank squirmed in his seat, trying hard not to just scream at the dude until he told them what the fuck was happening. Finally the Cardinal went on, "I see I underestimated his discretion. The Cardinal gave him a sad look, then leaned forward and set his arms on the table. In most cases, the police would be powerless even if they could get past their disbelief.

They escort the perpetrators here, and we decide what's to be done with them. In these cases, we arrange psychiatric help for them. Sometimes there is only so much we can do, but best case scenario, with treatment and support they can be released, start living real lives again. Others, although this is more rare, are legitimately under the thrall of The Cardinal leaned back, steepling his fingers under his chin.

Sometimes they are concerned that they might re-offend, for example. I am sure," he said archly, his eyes flicking over to Frank, "that you would not wish for Luke to harm anyone else. It is enough that we circumvent the outside world's methods of keeping order.

We cannot offer people like Luke a legal trial, a jury of his peers, a chance for parole. To be locked up forever with no hope of release is a terrible punishment, and not one that the Church is willing to mete out. You did something so Luke wouldn't remember. The Cardinal hesitated, then got up from the table and went to stand in front of the window, facing away from them. His hands were clasped behind his back.

He said, "We are sometimes forced to take extreme measures when large numbers of the public are involved, to keep them safe. Confusion, nothing more. But we do not take away people's memories. It is an extremely dangerous rite, for the possessed individual and the priests involved, and it takes enormous mental and emotional strength to come through it unscathed, strength which Luke unfortunately did not have, in the end. Whether he truly does not remember, or he simply forces himself not to, I cannot say.

But what is beyond doubt is that his past actions harmed nobody more than himself, in the end. He turned around to face them. He lives a quiet life, he harms nobody. He is not the same person he was when he tried to hurt you. You saw that for yourself. Not to mention being all scarred up to shit. Is that what you're telling me? Frank, you must understand - allowing him to stay here with us is the best way to keep you safe. Not Gerard! You couldn't even keep his body safe, don't talk to me like you know what's best!

The Cardinal threw Brian a look, but Brian just kind of shrugged in Frank's direction. Why don't you let me know when you're ready to give us some fucking answers, all right? He slammed out of the room, ignoring the calls of his name, and hurried blindly through the hallways, down flights of stairs, until he found a fucking door, thank God, and just took off running.

He had no idea where he was going and he didn't care, he just needed to move, to get the fuck away from that place. He relished the burn in his lungs and the ache that sprang up almost immediately in his side and his legs, and pushed through it, the pain only spurring him on. He knew the others had followed him; he could hear them close behind, and he turned corners and doubled back whenever he could, trying to lose them, trying to get away , he didn't want to think or talk or anything anymore, he just wanted to be left the fuck alone.

He rounded a corner, skidding slightly on the cobbles below his feet, and immediately collided with someone on the other side. Before he had time to snarl an apology, the person grabbed him roughly by the collar and Frank saw, to his horror, that it was one of the hooded figures who'd been involved with the attack on Pete. He doubled over, wheezing, then launched himself forwards, putting all his weight behind it and jamming his shoulder into the guy's midriff as hard as he could.

The guy went over backwards and Frank followed him, scrambling on top. He grabbed for the hood, intent on pulling it off and exposing the guy's face, but the guy fought him, struggling violently, trying to roll them over.

Ray and Brian were still on their feet, but Frank couldn't see -. The guy standing over him had his fist raised and Frank threw himself up and grabbed it, yanking his arm down behind his back until he heard the crack and the guy howled, his knees giving out under the pain.

The guy Frank had been fighting before caught up with him, only to be pulled back at the last minute by Ray, who threw him against the wall, knocking the guy's head back hard. When he peeked out through his fingers, the hooded men were on the ground, dead or unconscious or something, Frank didn't care, and in the middle of the alley was a man in black, with his back to them.

His hands were outstretched in front of him, Frank could see his fingers spread. He was standing straight, but he wobbled slightly when he turned around to face them. Nobody moved, Frank didn't even breathe, or blink, he didn't know if he could , he didn't know what to do, he only knew it was Gerard. Gerard blinked slowly.

He took two tiny, faltering steps forward, his hands slowly coming down by his side. He started moving, only to stop when Mikey said, "Bob!

Howard didn't look remotely surprised to see Gerard, but maybe that was part of his training. One of the other Suits, the little one with the ponytail, smiled grimly. He tugged them on and flexed his knuckles. Howard started to usher them away, but before they left Frank darted down and picked up Mikey's glasses where they were lying on the floor.

The arms were wobbly and one of the lenses was covered in blood, but Frank put them in his pocket for safekeeping. Frank looked over. Mikey was chewing his thumbnail, eyes fixed on the Vatican doctor who was moving quietly around the bed.

Mikey laughed, suddenly, then stopped, then started again, giggling helplessly. He leaned heavily against Frank's side and wheezed, "The Terminator isn't dead, you dumb shit, it's time travel. Frank didn't know why it was funny, but it was, it was the funniest fucking thing he'd ever heard in his life and he laughed too, trying to keep it down and avoid the suspicious glances from the doctor. He turned his face into Mikey's shoulder to muffle the sound - he could feel Mikey shaking with laughter, both of them struggling for composure and breath.

He indicated the two nuns who were assisting. It can only do him good to have them here when he wakes. Personally Frank didn't care if Gerard couldn't answer a single one, as long as he woke up. He bit his tongue, though. He just didn't trust the Cardinal at all - he seemed like he was on their side, sort of, but after everything that happened with Luke, Frank just wasn't sure.

He did convince the nurses that they should stay just outside the room instead of in, though, which Frank was grateful for. As soon as the door closed behind them Mikey was up and on the bed with Gerard, touching him anxiously; his hand, his face.

Brian shook his head. Mikey didn't look convinced, but he settled back a little, propping himself on one elbow to watch Gerard's face. Frank knew Brian and Ray were right, that it was best to leave Gerard to sleep, but it was excruciating waiting for him to wake up.

He was right there , looking exactly the same as before except maybe he was a little paler than usual. It was his face and his hands and more than anything Frank wanted him to wake up so they could hear his voice. At the same time, though, he was scared of what might happen.

They didn't know where Gerard had been, what had happened to him, if he was going to be the same person as he was before he died. Plus somewhere really deep down Frank was worried Gerard might still be mad at him. God knew Frank was mad at Gerard, he was fucking furious , the fury that comes after the initial stomach-flipping high of intense relief.

He didn't trust himself not to punch Gerard in the face, or kiss him, or both, and neither was anything other than a terrible idea.

He wrapped his fingers firmly around the arms of his chair and promised himself he'd stay in it until he knew he could keep it together. He was so still and silent, and he looked smaller than Frank remembered, although that was probably just the giant bed, the vast expanse of white sheets.

Frank's Mom always said everybody looks smaller on white sheets, and she should know, she'd racked up enough hours sitting by hospital beds with Frank.

He was thinking about how much hospital food sucked when Gerard made a noise, a cough or something, and Mikey sat up, leaning over him. Nobody moved for an endless second, and then Gerard stirred, opening his eyes and blinking up at Mikey. Gerard started trying to sit up and Mikey helped him, pulling him upright. Is Pete okay? Mikey just shook his head again, then made a strangled noise and threw himself at Gerard, wrapping his arms around him and rocking him back and forth.

Over Mikey's shoulder, Gerard looked completely baffled. He hugged Mikey back, and said, "I'm fine, Mikey. I'm sorry if I scared you. Frank's ears started ringing as Mikey explained what had happened to Gerard - he could see Gerard's face, see the confusion and the disbelief written there, see Mikey shaking his head and laying his hands on Gerard's arms, insisting, but he couldn't hear what was being said.

All he could do was stare, even when Gerard pushed the covers back and, with Mikey's help, got out of the bed to stand on his own two feet. Suddenly Bob pushed away from the corner he'd been standing in and grabbed Gerard up in a hug, almost pulling him off his feet.

Gerard disappeared from view behind Bob's shoulder, but Frank saw his hand pat Bob's back tentatively when Bob said, muffled, "Don't do that. Don't do that, okay? Bob let him go after a minute, and Gerard got hugged by Ray and Brian as well, getting more and more flustered. His hands were jittering around all over the place and his cheeks were flushed by the time Brian let him go. There was a moment's silence, and Gerard looked over to Frank. His eyes widened, like he hadn't expected Frank to be there, and he took a couple of steps forward.

Frank was still sitting in his chair. His hands were still wrapped tightly around the arms; the skin over his knuckles, when he looked at it, had gone white and he could feel the grooves in the wood digging painfully into his palms, but he couldn't make himself let go yet. Frank made a noise that he couldn't have classified if you'd paid him, halfway between a laugh and a bark, and stood up involuntarily.

His hands were shaking now he'd let go of the chair and he clenched them into fists, hiding them from view. I told you I had it covered! His face felt hot and he knew he was shaking all over - he wished the others would leave, or look away, or something. He felt stripped open and exposed, there was too much feeling inside him and he didn't know what to do with it all.

He was being pulled in a thousand directions, like his body wasn't under his control and he had to stay still because he didn't know what it was going to do next.

He felt something on the back of his hand - he looked down and it was Gerard's fingers, resting lightly there. He looked up again and saw Gerard's face, closer this time, his forehead furrowed and his mouth turned down at the corners in a worried, pursed-up frown. Gerard didn't seem to mind, though, he hugged back and let Frank cling to him, let him bury his face against Gerard's throat.

It hurt not to kiss him, it physically hurt , but Frank wasn't going to ask for that anymore, he'd made a promise, so he just rocked Gerard back and forth a little bit and squeezed him tighter. He touched the back of Frank's neck. I'm not , Frank thought, but he didn't say that, he just took deep breaths and lifted his head a little.

When he opened his eyes, all he saw was the wall - the other guys were behind him, he realized, so he pressed his cheek against Gerard's and hid a secret kiss in his hair, back behind his ear where nobody would ever find it.

The doctor ordered all of them outside except Mikey, while he was examining Gerard. When he went away muttering and let them back in, Frank immediately told Gerard about running into Luke. Gerard looked intensely uncomfortable. He fidgeted with his collar and his sleeves before admitting, "I knew. And what good would it have done for you to know? It's not like I ever thought you were going to come over here, is it? Frank looked at him and noticed that he was so pale he was almost gray. Gerard hesitated, then sighed and rubbed his face with both hands.

Frank had been expecting that since day one, he'd always known it would happen, but that didn't stop it feeling like a kick to the guts. He said, "Oh, well, of course," and then turned around and slammed his fist against the wall as hard as he could. What are they going to do, arrest you? Frank bit his tongue as hard as he could so he wouldn't say, "Good. What if those guys in the hoods come after you again?

Brian stood up and jittered a little in place, ready to do something practical. Ray frowned. We need to talk to the Cardinal now. Ray rolled his eyes. The bickering continued - Frank tuned them out and focused his attention on Mikey, who was sitting close to Gerard, looking carefully at his face.

Frank held his breath. They were so close and if Mikey talked Gerard into changing his mind now Nobody tried to stop them on their way to the airport. Frank kept expecting it; that a Suit would pop out and demand to ask where they were going, or an alarm would sound when they stepped over Vatican City limits, or that the Swiss Guard would suddenly appear in the rearview on the cab ride to the airport. None of that happened, though - what did happen was that Brian tried to spin the airport guys an elaborate lie about a missing computer record, and they pretty obviously did not believe a fucking word of it, and they took Gerard off to a room somewhere and wouldn't let them go with him.

They're probably on the phone to the Cardinal right now. He's going to show up any second. Next to him, Mikey was jiggling his knee nervously up and down.

We should have stayed. God knows what they could do to him, Mikey, what if he ends up like Luke? Frank shook his head. If they take him back then we'll just have to find out a way to get back in, okay, it's all of us or none of us.

Frank looked up to see Gerard coming towards them. He was pale, but he wasn't flanked by any security guys, and when he reached them he waved his hand - that had a boarding pass in it. Ray waited for Brian to sit down and belt himself in, then said, "You know you're not supposed to use your cell on flights. Bob rolled his eyes, then covered them with a sleep mask he'd found somewhere. In the air. With people inside. If it can't withstand someone using a cellphone, then frankly I think we have bigger things to worry about than a slap on the wrist from the stewardess.

Frank snorted a laugh and sat back in his seat. He had the aisle seat, for once, which never happened, but Mikey had decided he wanted the window. Gerard was between them and his elbow kept poking Frank in the arm whenever he scratched his neck, which was a lot. Gerard made a face. Just an itch. I'm going to call the Cardinal as soon as we land. Gerard ripped his collar off and yanked the top few buttons on his shirt open, spreading his palm against the skin on his neck.

Frank and Mikey both leaned in to look. The skin around Gerard's neck and collarbones was angry and red, raw where he'd been scratching at it. Frank winced and Mikey made a sympathetic hissing noise. Ray rummaged in his bag stowed safely underneath the seat in front of him, of course and leaned over the aisle to pass Frank a small tub.

Frank turned it over in his hands before passing it to Gerard. Gerard opened it and scooped some out with his fingers, rubbing it onto the skin. He kissed the cross on the end quickly, then wrapped it up and put it in his top pocket. That's actually better.

He looked really strange, Frank thought, in the stiff black shirt but no collar. Frank dug in his pocket and reluctantly offered him the rosary. Gerard's eyes lit up when he saw it, and he did put his hand out, but then stopped and instead folded Frank's own fingers in so he was holding the rosary tight in his palm.

Frank nodded and put it away again. His face felt hot and his throat was dry all of a sudden. He looked at the floor. They couldn't really talk on the plane, any of them. It wasn't a night flight and most people were awake and would definitely notice if they started talking about hooded dudes with magic balls and whether or not the Vatican wanted them dead.

Mostly they all just sat there catching each other's eyes awkwardly until they landed, and then there was the airport to deal with more anxiety over whether or not Gerard would be able to sweet-talk the US Immigration Officials as easily as the ones in Rome. Craig hadn't sent cars to pick them up, he'd sent a giant fucking van with hilarious blacked-out windows, which was awesome as far as Frank was concerned because it meant they all got to stay together, and when they pulled into the driveway which might as well have been a parking lot; Frank wondered for the billionth time exactly how rich Craig was Craig came to meet them, waving his gangly arms and smiling his creepy big smile.

Craig brought his other hand up to cover Gerard's and pumped both his arms up and down energetically. I'm just glad you're okay! Brian said you died? Craig just kept beaming at him expectantly until Gerard said, "I guess.

But I mean, that you came back. What was that even like? You understand. Here, let me show you to your rooms. You can stay as long as you need to. Plus I always wanted an orchard, and I have my own creek, too, set right into the grounds. Then he perked up. Once they'd dumped their bags and showered, they reconvened in Mikey and Gerard's room to properly fill Gerard in on everything that had happened.

He was dismayed to hear that his unicorn notebook Mikey's unicorn notebook , said Frank's brain in Mikey's voice was still in Rome with the Cardinal, but Brian found him a plain one and he used that to make notes, nodding and frowning as they took turns making sure he was up to speed. Mikey and Frank exchanged an uncomfortable glance. Gerard frowned deeply. Didn't any of you think it was a priority to try to find them? Gerard looked a little abashed. I guess we have to assume the Hoods are some sort of cult?

Did the Cardinal give you any more information about what the symbol on the sphera might be? Then he said briskly, "Okay, well, if they managed to track you to Rome we know they're organized, efficient and therefore a lot more dangerous than the usual wackos we deal with.

He scanned his notes once more, then nodded. There was a silence. Frank broke it by saying, "Gerard - is there anything you need to tell us? Gerard went quiet. He folded his notebook shut and laid his pencil down on top of it. He scratched his nose and said, "I don't know. I don't remember. Just waking up at the Vatican, that's all. Everything before that is just a blank. You should try to get some rest right now. Frank thought he would crash out the minute his head hit the pillow, but instead he found himself staring at the ceiling for a while.

He rolled over and saw that Ray was still awake too, in the other twin bed. But don't you think it's strange that he just decided to walk away like that? Running away? Ray watched him thoughtfully for a minute, then nodded and lay down on his back, lacing his fingers over his chest. He's just hard to understand sometimes. They both are. Frank laughed. He rearranged the blankets over himself, then cut his eyes at Frank. Frank laughed and pressed his face into the pillow.

Aren't you and I friends too? Ray shrugged. Plus he has someone new every five minutes. Frank thought about that. It had been true back when they worked at the shop, he supposed. Not anymore. Just because of our situation. It took Mikey a while to come to conclusions sometimes, though, it wouldn't be fair for Frank to go telling Ray what he'd said when Mikey wasn't sure how he felt himself yet.

He could hear Ray cracking up and he flipped him off without looking at him. Frank punched the pillow until he could see Ray around it. For you. Frank picked the rosary up from the nightstand and wrapped it around his wrist, pressing his fingers against the beads until it hurt.

When Frank woke up, groggy and aching a little, Ray was still sleeping like the dead across the room. Ray was a quiet sleeper - he didn't toss and turn like Frank, or snore like Bob or Brian - but occasionally he muttered to himself. Mostly nonsense, but Frank listened carefully and picked out the words 'raspberry' and 'server', which made him smile as he swung his legs out of bed and tiptoed to the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind him.

He pissed and brushed his teeth and then stood there for a while, just breathing and thinking about how Gerard was alive, and back with them, and just in the other room.

He still couldn't quite believe it, and the urge to double-check was irresistible, so he padded back out of the bathroom, pulled his jeans on, and made his way down the hall to Gerard and Mikey's room. Their door was just the tiniest bit ajar. Frank caught himself before he touched it, and pressed his eye to the gap instead. Mikey was sitting up against the headboard, with Gerard's head in his lap. How would I have explained you coming back?

Gerard made a noise, almost a laugh or a sigh. Then he said, "Was it a feeling like you had about Pete? Mikey frowned a little bit. But then And - yeah, I think it was.

Like Pete. Frank felt so wrong, standing there spying on them from the hallway like a creep, but he couldn't make himself move away. It was like he was starving for the sight of Gerard, greedy to just be near him, even if Gerard didn't know he was there.

And for Mikey, too, for Mikey like this, calm and whole. Frank cast a nervous glance up and down the hallway, and stayed where he was. He touched the side of Gerard's neck.

You've been through Give yourself a break. Just - just try to be careful with him, okay? Gerard was silent for a long time, during which Frank had to struggle not to throw up or clap his hands over his ears or fall through the door in his desperation to hear what his answer might be. Eventually he said, "I do - I always try, Mikey. Mikey made a face that was impossible to read, and his voice was equally shuttered.

Gerard rolled over, pressing his face against Mikey's belly. Mikey hugged him close and made a soft sound, and Frank's whole body ached with how bad he wanted to be the one comforting Gerard, how much he would have given to be in that room with them.

But then there was a sound on the stairs, and Frank just had time to throw himself a respectable distance away from the door when Craig appeared at the end of the hall, doing some over-exaggerated tiptoe walk that made him look like a spider. Frank's stomach immediately growled its agreement and he laughed to cover the fact he was flustered as hell. What a weirdo , Frank thought, not unaffectionately, and raised his hand to knock on Gerard and Mikey's door.

Ray was so happy to have all his kit with him again, it was hilarious. He kept pulling out jars and instruments and making happy noises, waving things in the air when he was particularly pleased to see them.

Frank took another enormous bite of his sandwich. He pushed his glasses up on his nose. What if they fire him? He said he'll call me back and we can talk about it more. Gerard shrugged. I freaked out. He told me not to blame myself, and-" his eyes flickered to Frank for a second, "To reassure you all that he only has our best interests at heart. Frank disagreed with that so hard he almost laughed, but he bit it back and concentrated on eating.

Brian looked unconvinced. I'm invested now. Look, if I can't turn anything up, there's no harm done, is there? Let me try, come on. I can help you. Craig went off to see what he could do about the kids, and the rest of them settled down to a 'find the symbol' research session that proved ultimately fruitless.

The Cardinal could have figured this shit out in five minutes. Gerard shook his head. I mean, we have to assume I wasn't dead, right? People don't just come back from the dead. They put you in a fucking body bag. Bob leaned forward. Gerard looked up and studied Frank's face for a minute. Frank didn't know what to say. The truth was it did drive him crazy. It still did. He was starting to feel like it always would. Father, you'll make a list of things to look out for. We'll write them up when we find them, keep the categories separate, and maybe a pattern will start to emerge.

I need some air or something. Frank could have gone with them, but he was finding it difficult to be around Gerard, if he was totally honest. He just felt like there should be more , like something should have changed after everything that happened, but Gerard seemed much the same as he ever had, if a little more temperamental.

Before, he'd felt like they were closer than they'd ever been - and he should have been expecting something to give, because it was driving them both out of their minds, but he would take it over this weirdness. He headed upstairs to call his Mom and tell her as much as he could without freaking her out, then sat on the end of his bed for a while, holding the rosary in his hands.

He counted the beads three times over, then three times over again, letting his mind clear and focus on nothing but the steady movement of the beads through his fingers, the soft click-clack they made. The repetition and the peace it brought him made him sleepy, but he wasn't in the mood for another bad dream. Instead he went to his bag and got out the book he'd been reading, before everything went to shit.

It was one of Gerard's, but it was slightly less boring than some of the others because there was a whole bunch of stuff on Mary, who Frank actually gave half a shit about. The chapter he was reading was about a little girl who claimed to have seen Mary a bunch of times in Belgium, which was a place Frank wasn't convinced actually existed, but whatever.

He sighed and lay back, rolling onto his side so he could curl up and keep counting the rosary beads while he read. It would be much easier, he thought, if Mary or someone would just get off their ass and come to Earth and tell them they were on the right track.

According to the book, Mary was all over the fucking place until not-so-recently, so why couldn't she come and help them out now? It was like someone had decided that the human race couldn't have the internet and miracles at the same time, and it was bullshit, because Frank would give the fucking internet back very happily if it meant knowing it wasn't all for nothing, that they weren't all just fools.

She didn't say anything. Of course she didn't, she wasn't even a she, it was a fucking drawing. Frank sighed disgustedly at himself and looked down at his hands. He wound the rosary around his left hand, crossing the beads over his tattoos there, the seraph's face, the circle between his forefinger and thumb.

His eyes kept wandering back to the picture in the book, drawn to her like a magnet. He draped the rosary around his neck, tucked it under his shirt and rubbed his hands over his face. He kept reading until he was hit by a deep craving for a cigarette. Craig hadn't said they couldn't smoke in the house, but if Frank was an asshole, well, he was an asshole with manners, so he slipped downstairs and found Bob and Brian had evidently had the same idea because they were sitting around on the deck.

Frank laughed, and then a noise caught in his ears and he looked out over the grounds of Craig's house, squinting. Bob and Brian got up to join him, then, and after a few seconds the figures became clearer - it was Ray, Frank realized with a sick lurch of his stomach, it was Ray, and Mikey and Gerard were carrying him. Ray shook his head, tried to say something and started coughing, deep wet hacking sounds that made Frank wince in sympathy.

Bob reached them first and moved Mikey out of the way; took most of Ray's weight on himself. Mikey stumbled over to Frank, who caught him, and Brian went to help Gerard on Ray's other side. And it seemed like it was coming from underground, like, this cave thing. Bob was kneeling in front of Ray, looking at his hands. Frank looked over and his stomach turned when he saw Ray's hands, all cut to shit and bleeding like crazy from the palms. Frank rubbed his arms, trying to warm him up.

Frank held him tighter, rubbing his back. He turned his face into Mikey's shoulder and awkwardly braced his arms around Mikey's waist, hands held out stiffly at the ends. Frank looked at Gerard, who was wringing his hands. Gerard said in a small voice, "Mikey pulled him out of the cave and he wasn't breathing.

We had to give him CPR. Mikey didn't want to leave Ray alone once they got upstairs: Gerard seemed confused when Mikey didn't want him to stay with them, and Frank had a little shock of thinking he doesn't know. Evidently he was starting to figure out how he felt about Ray, at least.

When did that happen? He must not have been in the water like Mikey and Ray. They couldn't go back to Mikey and Gerard's room, so Frank steered him towards his and Ray's room instead.

He wanted to change his own shirt, too, because there was blood on it. He went into the bathroom and peeled out of his shirt, then lathered his hands up and washed the bloody smears off his neck and hands.

He was fucking sick of blood not staying inside people's bodies where it belonged. Plus it always gave him flashbacks to being covered in his own, which was totally awesome. He toweled himself off roughly and went back out in the bedroom, where Gerard was sitting on the end of the bed. He was suddenly very aware of the scars on his back, and of not wanting Gerard to see them because he would want to touch them and talk about them and Frank would go insane, so he crab-walked to his bag instead, bending down to dig out another shirt.

Gerard raked his eyes down Frank's body, then slowly back up again. Frank could practically feel it, and he shifted uncertainly, feeling his face heat up, fucking hell. His fingers flexed in the fabric; he couldn't seem to make himself move. Gerard watched him a little longer, then got up off the bed and came over, standing too close to Frank, not touching but so close Frank could feel the heat of him, feel his breath on Frank's cheek.

Wearing your clothes. It was like he had a weight on the back of his neck, keeping his head down, and he saw Gerard raise his hand and trace his fingers vaguely around the shape of the rosary, which Frank was wearing around his neck. This body is yours, and you'll do whatever the fuck you want with it.

It's pure rebellion. Frank opened his mouth to say something, but his throat was closed; he coughed, twice, to clear it, and Gerard kind of blinked and stepped back, shoving his hand into his pocket.

He yanked his shirt on over his head. It was a while later when Mikey made his way to join them, looking suspiciously rumpled. Frank tried not to feel too jealous. Frank got out of his chair and crossed quickly over to him, letting Mikey pull him away from the door and around the corner a little. I don't know what it means yet. Mikey looked nervously towards the doorway, pulled Frank a few feet further away, and whispered, "He didn't try to help when Ray was drowning.

Frank rolled his eyes. They couldn't see you, remember, he was probably looking for you! Maybe he just came back from the dead and you ought to give him a fucking break! They both turned to look at him - Gerard looked like he'd been punched, like he was going to throw up. Mikey knotted his fingers, his shoulders hunched. Mikey held out a whole three seconds before going over to him and hugging him close. Just forget it, okay? I was being crazy.

Gerard still looked deeply hurt, but he nodded, hands on Mikey's shoulders. How's Ray? He took his glasses off and polished them on the hem of his shirt. Unless you're talking about God himself. And even then it's not clear. Ye shall see me, no ye shan't, is He here, is He not here," Gerard pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut. All those ridges, plus it was dark, right? And sound echoes weirdly.

I'm just saying, the mind plays tricks. They were looking for the resurrected, that's the word they used. Frank spread his hands. But that's definitely what they said. Frank grinned too, just because the idea of Pete in a toga with a beard was hilarious. Although Gerard said Jesus didn't wear a toga. Whatever, that's what it looked like in all the pictures.

To reward faith. Because He could. The most famous case is probably Lazarus-". Everyone stared at him. Frank shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Gerard got a tiny smile on his face. Gerard scrunched his mouth up. It was obviously remarkable enough for the apostles to record it. But you have to remember this all happened before Christ's own resurrection, so technically nobody's soul was going to Heaven anyway.

Like, Saint Peter raised a woman named Dorcas, for example. She was a seamstress who made clothes for the poor, and the whole village was mourning her when she died. Saint Peter came and prayed over her, and said, 'Tabitha, arise,' and she did. Converted a shitload of people, I can tell you. Nothing like a miracle for a recruitment drive. He frowned and said something that sounded like, "You dyke us.

Then his forehead creased and he held his hands out. Bob handed the book over and Gerard read the open pages quickly, frowning deeper. So he fell asleep, which would have been fine, except he was sitting in a third-floor window and he fell to his death. He had a meal with the men there, and when he left, Eutychus was alive. Maybe he just seemed dead and Paul knew that he wasn't. Gerard clicked his tongue irritably. Except for Jesus, I mean.

Mikey cracked up. Gerard gave them both an exasperated look, and went on, "Originally, the resurrection of the dead, I mean, the big one, Judgment Day, was a Judeo-Christian belief, whereas the idea of souls going right to Heaven was a pagan thing. But now we've adopted that for ourselves. And that according to what God said to Moses, He is the God of the living, not of the dead. But then after Jesus died he took all the righteous souls of dead people to Heaven with him.

I don't know. He snuck a little shifty look at Mikey and nudged his thigh with his hand. Mikey looked grumpy, but he touched Gerard's thumb with his own, and Gerard's face relaxed. Bringing people back from the dead. Isn't that the same as what the Hoods were doing, the necromancy? I thought you were all against that and shit. Necromancy is usually to do with a spirit rather than a physical body. And besides, the Saints were basically the hands of God on Earth. Ordinary people aren't meant to try to do things that are best left up to God.

Frank frowned. I mean, wasn't that one of your vows? To do his work or whatever? Gerard looked surprised, like he'd never thought about it like that. Like, unequivocally. In writing. How does it work? Gerard started to say something indignant, but then stopped and thought about it.

It can't ever be removed. Gerard hesitated, then said, "Well, either you get defrocked, which is like getting fired. Or on rare occasions they'll agree to laicize you, which is kind of a 'no hard feelings' deal. But even if you were dismissed, you - you're not a cleric anymore, you lose your position within the Church, but your ordination is still valid. Frank sucked in a breath and said, "So like, would you still be all Gerard flinched a little.

I could consecrate the Eucharist, for example, and it wouldn't be Brian raised his eyebrows. Or make a saint of? Cause I'll give you all the nails you need Cover me in gasoline Wipe away those tears of blood again And the punchline to the joke is asking Someone save us. And would you pray for me? You don't know a thing about my sins How the misery begins Or make a saint of me?

You don't know So I'm burning, I'm burning And will you lay for me? You don't know a thing about my sins How the misery begins Or make a saint? You don't know Cause I'm burning, I'm burning.

Cause I'll give you all the nails you need I'm burning, I'm burning again Cover me in gasoline again. My Chemical Romance Wiki Explore. The Band. Explore Wikis Community Central. Register Don't have an account?